down to business?

now, time for a real post?
im gonna cry about my life for a second, and maybe you can sympathize or give advice.

so.
this is how its going at the moment.
boyfriend, who i loved but didn't realize how much, broke it off tuesday. then, because the world hates me and likes ruining nice things, helped him find out about me and some dude. me and this dude happened like, four seconds after he asked me out FOUR MONTHS ago. he killed me with his words afterschool thursday. i hadnt cried that hard since my grandpa died...but. jesus christ, fsdkljglkdjglsd.
now, we're just friends for the time being.
and it hurts me so bad to be around him and still in love with him. when he just wants to be friends.
last night, we chatted on the phone. all was well, until he told me aboout this chick he finds attractive. i felt like id been stabbed in the chest when he talked about a relationship with someone who wasnt me. i feel selfish, but i dont want him to be with anyone until he absolutely doesnt want me anymore.
cause i mean, i dont want anyone else but him at this point.
i dont know what to do!

kill me pleeeeeeeeeeease.
-xxmason.